Thursday, April 17, 2008

Random: "Family History"

Well, it's kinda late... I would start with the reviews (new pornos/okkervil, yeasayer/man man will be up shortly) but, I'm just not up for it tonight. Anyway, a friend of mine sent me this assignment I did in high school to kinda mock my teacher/assignment. Anyway, in case you've been wondering, this is my families history. I hope you can forgive any grammar/ spelling the senior year version of Tony made, and I hope nothing is too offensive or revealing. Anyway, if your bored, take a gander. Those reviews will be up by the end of the week (crosses fingers).

Anthony Schneider, the product of the joining of the Mozetti-Schneider family with the Adams-Leforte family. Families whose origins reside in Italy, Germany and France (the sweet part). This combination of ultimate nations supplied the genes to create a being who would later become the legendary "Tony Schneider". Although myths of mystical intervention have been in circulation for years, I am actually mainly of Italian and German decent with a few ewok alterations here and there. The raw power of my creator blessed me with the 6'7 330lb frame in which i currently reside as a direct result of where my relatives where from. Despite rumors of a mutated genetic code, I am actually considered an offspring of an immigrant based family, contrary to the recent studies and tests of Dr. Xavier himself.(P.h.D in being sweet).

The Mozetti family is where i must start, a family who crossed the borders in a very immigrant-like fashion, unlike modern border hoppers, they went through what is known as Ellis Island during the summer months of 1939. This is where the immigrants went to be cross examined whether or not they deserved to be an American. The Mozetti family easily passed what they need to and decided to move to the town of Alliance to "work" at the brickyards as a front. A front is a job taken to mask the real job of knocking people off and organized crime. They quickly found out the United States had much more opportunity than the war torn skies of Italy. Rather than making wine in the families vineyard, they now "worked at the brick yard", which proved more effective. In honor of the families success they had a child named grandma Schneider, who later became the sweetest lady ever to exist in the world (love you grandma). This is where I learned my street sense and gangster-like walk that I now do on occasion in honor of the Mozetti family.

The Adams family (theme music plays *snap*snap*) on the other hand is where I received my great love for America. They have no record that I could find on arrival into the United States except for the search for work, so therefore I can safely assume that they have been here pretty darn long. The family settled in the small blue-collar town of Phillipsburg Pennsylvania and has had Pennsylvania pride ever since. Records show that they have close relation to the great American John Quincy Adams, who was of course one of our greatest Presidents. As the family progressed, they also developed more of a claim to fame, records also show a direct relation to the king himself, Elvis Presley. Before he was unfortunately abducted by aliens he did a lot for modern rock in the USA. So in conclusion, although the Adams family may have come from from the country of Hungry they have gratefully contributed to my direct love for America and modern rock music...long live Uncle Presley.

A lot like the Mozetti family, the Leforte tribe came to the red, white and blue in search of change and new opportunity. They had a deep french history of beig better than other Frenchmen because of their name which literally means THE STRONG. Upon arrival in 1904, they had little trouble throwing their weight around and striking fear into the hearts of their new American brethren. They slowly ended up in the fine state of Pennsizzle-Vizania where they settled down and developed a breed of hard-nosed football players. Their second son, a bouncing baby boy named Jack CAESER "the strong" Leforte soon became all that there is to be on the football field. Despite contemplating offers from major football squads SUCH AS THE PITTSBURGH STEELERS (according to the main man himself...CAESER), he was drawn into the "gung-ho" attitude of Uncle Sam's aqua team, the U.S Navy. After fighting off all the bad guys every chance he got, he fell into a deep love spell with Anna Adams who later became my grammy who I love. Caesar of course was my grandfather...duh. At an early age his Jedi Masters noticed his mitochlorian count to be above normal, surpassing even the great Yoda. He focused his energy and turned out to be my grandfather, which why i have chosen the path of the Jedi. Anyway, as his family developed, he noticed his great love for camping which has inspired me to go down the lonesome path of a druid and learn the art of wielding nature.

The most obvious part of my heritage would be the Schneiders. They were a prestigious Germanic family who were NOT NAZIs, I REPEAT, NOT NAZIs. They made their living in the field of Tailoring or making clothes, you'll like the way you look, I guarantee it. Although, as the hunch of First World War came around, they decided they had to get out of the country and move to all that is The United States of America. When they first arrived in 1907, they lived in a small town in Ohio and worked in the factories the great state had to offer. Eventually a boy named Frank Schneider was born into the family and began working at an early age. With all his hard work and determined mindset, he soon reaped the rewards of being a successful man. After honorably doing his part in world war two he got married to the previously mentioned Grandma Schneider who was at the time Bruna Mozetti. (Sidenote: Frank also had a boy named Steve, who later developed into Buck Schneider who only lives in local folklore) The two families eventually fused together into one with the marriage of JoAnn Leforte to Gary "G-Diddy" Schneider. The new family decided to have a son, whose name isn’t that important, but its Vinny. Then after two painful years, they had another, more awesome son named Tony or Erodorno in Elvin, he proved to be a direct result of the above awesomeness explained in the brief family histories. The new Schneider family has come to be quite the prodigy family, by fulfilling the prophecies and legacies left behind by their relatives. In conclusion, all the families decided to come to the great country of the United States for search of a better life, and it seems that they all found what they were looking for. After all, we are all sons and daughters of our Lord and Savior, the Son of God, Your Man, the Omnipotent, "the match maker match maker make me a match", Shiva.

Ha, cracks me up.

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